A letter not to Santa

Everybody does letters to Santa. I have, you have — boring. Who wants to read that? But how about a letter Santa would never get?

Dear Santa,

Everything about my shop is just fine, so I don’t really need or want anything. I have plenty of room, lots of storage, nothing is ever in the way, and I have no plans to change anything about the shop layout. The temperature is cool in the summer, toasty warm in winter, and humidity is never a problem.

All of my tools are just right for what I do, so I have no wish to get a new or bigger or updated anything. My lumber rack is filled with all the perfect stock I need for the foreseeable future, and if I should ever need more wood (unlikely), my local Big Box store always has plenty of excellent materials at unbeatable prices.

Dust is never a problem in my shop, so a better dust control system would be superfluous. If you stop by on December 24th, just run one of your white gloves over my table saw and take a look. Spotless! Oh, while you’re in the shop, the small refrigerator below my hardware cabinet is always fully stocked, so make sure you’ve got enough snacks for the rest of your trip.

The last thing I need is more time. I have far more time to do every project I could possibly think of, so longer days just aren’t needed around here. Without all that free time you might think I’d need projects to do, but the new grandson that arrived two weeks ago (was that an early gift? Sneaky!) will give me plenty of opportunities and ideas for new projects.

And please, stop with the clamps already! I have more than I’ll ever use.

P.S. – Please bring my neighbor a louder lawnmower.

A.J.

COMMENTS

  1. Ralph J Boumenot wrote:

    Very funny letter. I’ll bet that pile of Santa letter isn’t awfully high.

  2. Lee Gordon wrote:

    The world did not end on 12/21. Better snatch that letter back before Santa actually sees it!

  3. Bob Richardson wrote:

    A. J. I love it. The “truth” runs deep. Keep it up. Bob

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